Open source satirical tech news outlet
Published 12/9/2024
Tags: [#tips] [#rust] [#programming]
After learning the Rust Programming Language, some people find themselves purchasing thigh-high socks from Jeff Bezos, sprouting synthetic ears/tail(s), and inheriting multiple traits native to communism.
Fortunately, experts have put together a list of things you can do to prevent these side effects.
Using Neovim automatically makes you incredibly based and cracked. Experts have proven that aggressively shilling Neovim is more attractive than telling UI designers to rewrite their figma files in Rust.
Although not proven, it appears that fighting the borrow checker drains your testosterone levels. People who beat each other to death with boxing gloves tend to have higher levels and are also less likely to experience burnout.
If a rust programmer is not making a hefty six-figure salary, they/it are/is usually single and surviving on open source sponsorships.
If not a vegan, affording meat is usually not that big of a deal.
Consuming large amounts of animal-based protein is one of the most efficient ways to muster a large amount of brain power, necessary for making red squiggly lines go away.
As mentioned in #3, you are either single or sought after by communists for consumption, so affording one of these shouldn't be a problem. Split ergonomic keyboards are sign that capitalism is working on your machine and also signifies that you probably use a terminal-based IDE like Neovim.
Conspiracy theorists have linked most of the negative traits and side effects of the Rust Programming Language to the Rust Foundation.
Using a can of WD-40 on a Rust Foundation Board Member is the equivalent of using Holy Water on Vampires. Additionally, using WD-40 to lubricate your machine's internals is a great way to cool down your computer and speed up compilation times.
Your dad probably has a can of WD-40 in his garage somewhere that you can borrow or take ownership of (you can't clone it).
Rust is a great programming language capable of a lot of things including teaching you bad things your parents wouldn't approve of.
This article does not list all the negative side effects but instead focuses on how to prevent them.
If you are a Rust programmer, you should be able to use this list to become more based. Or you could just do the opposite and become super cringe.